Ladies and gentlemen, this is Dubenko. He is my arch nemesis. Every month, we meet on the field of battle. I bring a borrowed set of 10 golden rings, and he brings 100 horsepower of pure, unadulterated turtle prowess.
I hate Dubenko.
I cannot complete all of the Darkmoon dailies in one go. But the Ring Toss, I thought, was a solid bet. I mean, Dubenko doesn't ever even go farther than the radius of the green target ring. Of course, due to
torture game mechanics, even if Dubenko is at the center of your target ring it's possible your ring will land just to his left. So it goes.
But the real problem is that Dubenko lures you into a false sense of security. How hard could it be to toss a ring on the back of an ostensibly slow-moving turtle? The snarky Jessica Rogers assures us it's a "simple game." It's not. Dubenko can remain unmoving for minutes, enticing players to toss all of their rings in one frantic button mash. Then, just as the rings are approaching his spike, he spurs into action! Like a rocket, he waddles back and forth between his three stopping points, dodging each and every one of your attempts.
|I don't like it, and I'd really rather not put a ring on it.|
Dubenko is greased lightning, wrapped in stiff gray leather, covered in a glossy shell, wrapped in an enigma. He has no greater pleasure than to torment me for 7 days out of every month, pretending to lounge and rest before zipping away from my rings. But I can't remain patient forever. One day I'll snap. Akabeko is a max-level chef, and she has a hankering for turtle soup.