Happy New Year!

Happy near year! Old Blanchy wishes you all the oats you deserve.

A Winter Veil Warble

In a fit of creativity I decided to try my hand at something different - namely, fanfic written not about original characters but rather well-known names in the Wowverse. My references for this piece can be found at Gallywix's character piece and the original A Christmas Carol. It is very long, though not as long as the original, so I've hidden most of it behind a cut.

***

Through a series of unfortunate events, all of them accidental and decidedly unorchestrated by any conniving individual, former Trade Prince Maldy was dead. He had been dead for some time now, having met his regretable and completely unintentional demise shortly after being banished from Kezan. Trade Prince Gallywix knew this to be fact; he had the documents confirming, that is, announcing the sad news. He had the unmarked boxes, each packed with explosives, from Maldy's daughter; one for every year that had passed since Maldy's death. And most obviously, most importantly, Gallywix had the title of Trade Prince, the very same one he had worked from Maldy's incompetent fingers.

It was the eve of the Feast of Winter Veil, and Gallywix was in his typical place for any evening - that is to say, he was in his office, at his desk, poring over profit reports while his Number One, Mida Silvertongue, worked diligently beside him. The door opened, which was unusual because Gallywix had specifically given his guards authorization to shoot any interruptions, and besides, all of his booby traps were on hair triggers. If someone had made it past all that, it had to be...

"Happy Winter Veil, son! I got what you need!" Luzik Gallywix waltzed into the office, deftly side-stepping the obvious snake pit and two better-concealed spike traps. He was carrying what appeared to be a brightly-wrapped present. It ticked conspicuously.

"Bah!" said Gallywix. "Ripoff!"

"Winter Veil a ripoff, my boy?" said Luzik. "When I went through the trouble of inventing this just for you? I don't understand why you won't include it in your product line!"

"And I don't understand why you are wasting my valuable time with this. I told you that R&D declared explosive pool ponies unprofitable weeks ago. It would be a ripoff for me to produce your invention. And not the good kind! The kind that rips me off!" He looked at Mida for backup, but she studiously kept her eyes on her work.

"Come now, sonny, don't get mad."

"What else can I be when I'm surrounded by idiots?" Gallywix did not notice his companion's eyes flick towards him. "Happy Winter Veil! What good is it? What's the Feast but a time to throw gold away on gifts and food, to stuff yourself so senseless that you can't balance your own books, to go chasing across Azeroth after some reindeer when you could be drumming up new trade agreements? If I had my way, every moron who goes around saying 'Happy Winter Veil' would have their pockets turned out and their lives indentured to my mines." He glared at his father. "You spend Winter Veil pissing coin away, and I'll spend it making sales."

"Sales of everything but my invention!" Luzik shot back. "What is Winter Veil if not a time for impulse buys? People are so excited about food and fun that they can be more easily talked into purchases they are unsure about!"

Gallywix noticed Mida watching Luzik thoughtfully and frowned at her. "Oh no, don't let this guy give you any ideas. We are not marketing the exploding pool pony. And you," he rounded on Luzik. "I want you out of here before I call security. The ones with battle boars."

"At least come over and have a look at the blueprints!" Luzik protested, backing towards the door.

"As if I could spare the time," Gallywix snarled. "Time is money."

"I could develop something more marketable!"

"Time is money!"

"At least accept this as a Winter Veil gift from a father to his son?" Luzik held out the package, which no doubt also contained documents on construction, pricing, and billing.

"Time is money!" Gallywix concluded, slamming the office door in his father's pleading face. He stalked to the window, where Azshara, serene and chill under a faint layer of frost, stretched out before his stone visage. Behind him, he heard the clock chime and Mida begin to collect her things. He paid her until five, and she was finished working when the clock ticked over.

He turned towards her. "I suppose you'll want all day tomorrow."

She shrugged on her coat, a gaudy, leathery tribute to fashion. "Yeah. It's in my contract, after all."

Gallywix snorted. "So it is, although I don't know why I agreed to a full day's wages and no work out of it."

"Because I'm the best, and I'm worth every penny," Mida replied airily, letting herself out.

Damn her for being right. "Be early the next day!" he shouted after her.

miscellany

Hey guys! The FFW emails have gone out, so I hope everyone is working hard on their blog post gifts for their recipients :) I am making this the masterpost, and I'll continue to re-advertise it as gift posts begin to trickle in!

My winter holiday is fast approaching (going to Florida on Xmas Eve OH YEAH *pelvic thrusts aggressively*), so I'm trying to plan out my end of the year posting schedule and goals  for the coming year.

Of course, I'll be working on my own FFW gift, and hopefully posting a very nice one! (You'll love this...immediately after sending all the emails I forgot who ended up getting me in the draw, so it will be a surprise EVEN TO ME.) I hope you won't mind me reposting a holiday parody fic I wrote in a previous year because, not to peel own banana, but I'm really proud of it and it still makes me giggle.

I have a LW post percolating in my creative coffee maker, and there will OF COURSE be more of the current story that Dah and I are working on. Alas, the next few chapters are all on me, so the delay is entirely my fault. In addition to that, I'm hoping to pull out one or two extremely old pieces of fiction that I wrote when first fleshing out the personalities for my various toons. Of course, the blog will not become entirely fiction (although it seems to have skewed that way), as I will also be posting the usual rants, screenshots, and wacky experiences. Fear not, though, as I recently caught up on my personal blog posting schedule, which means good things for the future! It can be done!

In non-WoW gaming news, I recently got myself a 3DS and tried to play the first Animal Crossing game. What followed was a series of increasingly troubling interactions with my questionable benefactor (Nook's Cranny who came up with that), hilariously infuriating searches for neighbors waiting for packages but had decided to wander off into the trees, and the extremely upsetting realization that when a honeycomb falls out of a tree YOU SHOULD NOT TRY TO LOOT IT.

After filling my tiny house with the usual clutter (mostly seashells and flowers stolen from neighbors' yards) I moved on to Pokemon X, where I was DELIGHTED to learn that after choosing name you can choose a NICKNAME which is the best thing that has ever happened. Let's exchange friend codes *_*

#FFW reminder and excitement!

Hi guys! Slow posting because I still don't have internet at my new apartment and I don't like working on blog posts at...WORK! WHERE I WORK NOW BECAUSE I HAVE A JOB! ME, A JOB! AAAHHH!

By which I mean, stay tuned! You have a little over a week left to sign up for Furtive Father Winter 2013, and I know you want to, because look at this all-star cast of participants!
Escapist Scrawl
Sugar & Blood
Lib Feathers Fanfiction
Frost and Claws
The Daily Frostwolf
Admiring Azeroth
The Harpy's Nest
Plenty of Paladins
Kamalia et Alia
Sheep the Diamond
The Crimson Hammer
Red Cow Rise
*If you've messaged me as of Dec 10 and are not on this list, please message me again!

And if that's not enough winter madness for you, it's not too late to join in Matty's Solstice Advent Blog challenge! Do it for me! Do it for the haiku!

#FFW Furtive Father Winter 2013!

(Father) Winter is coming! It's time to cozy up near the fireplace (or get your sunbathing on, as the case may be) and await the yearly coming of Greatfather Winter.

The time has come for the 5th annual Blog Azeroth Furtive Father Winter blogger gift exchange! Bloggers are encouraged to sign up, create a post for their randomly-assigned gift recipient, and publish the gift they receive from their furtive Father Winter! You don't need to be a BA member (although I highly recommend it), but you do need a place to publish gifts.

The process is simple:

1. Between now and December 15th, email me using my comment form or reply to this post. I need your name, email address, and blog URL.
2. On December 16th, I will pair up participants and email everyone with the name, email address, and blog URL of their gift recipient.
3. Gift givers should then learn about their recipient and create a gift post using prose, poetry, music, graphic art, screenshots, or anything else that inspires them. There is no quantity requirement; just make sure it's something you might like to receive as a present!
4. Between December 20th and 31st, please deliver your gift, and publish what you receive on your blog. Be sure to credit the gift-giver so we can appreciate all the creativity!

Last year there was an amazing turnout. My only word of caution is, if you aren't sure you'll have time to create a present, please think hard before signing up! We don't want anyone going away without a post.

Feel free to grab this year's graphic and advertise for this on your blog or twitter. The more the merrier!

This year's participants! The Furtive Father Winters will be revealed as the gifts are received and posted.
Escapist Scrawl from The Daily Frostwolf!
Sugar & Blood from Escapist Scrawl!
Lib Feathers Fanfiction from Admiring Azeroth!
Frost and Claws from Sugar and Blood!
The Daily Frostwolf from The Crimson Hammer!
Admiring Azeroth from red cow rise!
The Harpy's Nest from Frost and Claws!
Plenty of Paladins from Sheep the Diamond!
Kamalia et Alia from The Harpy's Nest!
Sheep the Diamond from Plenty of Paladins!
The Crimson Hammer from Lib Feathers Fanfiction!
red cow rise from Kamalia et Alia!

#ffw can I call you back??

I would love to repost my earlier Furtive Father Winter post with all the delightful links and be done with content for the day but ALAS! due to various unforeseen delays and one guy straight up disappearing off the face of the internet, not all the posts are ready!

I regret not being able to send more reminder emails over the holiday, but there were extenuating circumstances (my friend got the chicken pox what the actual hell) and frankly you guys didn't need to be reading politely insistent emails from me on Boxing Day.

Anyway, the deadline has come and gone and not all the posts are in but since it is currently FINALS TIME for me I don't have time to constantly check email anyway! For the one person who disappeared a plan is being put into effect, but for those of you who have yet to send your gifts but have emailed me about it, I am begging you to do that by the end of the week. Obviously I can't come to your house and make your brain think of great stuff (as evidenced by the fact that I've been trying to write an ostensibly easy 2 page paper for FOUR HOURS) but somehow, some way, please get it done! Your partner is waiting patiently for your post! Don't disappoint them or they might post crying gifs and I'll have to add them all to my inventory and then where will we be??

For those of you waiting, if you don't get something in your inbox by the end of the week, please email me to let me know and I'll give you an email address to check for in your spam folder and email your FFW.

Basically, I am humbly asking for a lot more communication in the form of email, twitter, blog comments, etc because I have even less time to scour your blogs for updates and links and the like! The outcome of my exams will directly affect my ability to get a scholarship, which in turn will determine whether or not I have to leave school earlier than anticipated. I'm sorry to be pathetic but please make this easy for me because I'm so busy I'm losing my miiiiiiind.......!!!

Happy New Year!

昨年は色々お世話になりました
本年もよろしくお願いします

Another year, another New Year's card. 2013 is the year of the snake. Hope your day is bright!

#ffw Serenaded by the lovely Karegina!

It was dark as Karegina winged her way through the Vale of the Eternal Blossoms towards the Shrine of the Two Moons. A lot had been on her mind these last few days and she knew that Winter Veil was upon them. She'd had big plans for one of her friends, Akabeko, but those plans ended up falling through because she lost her voice.

She shifted into cow form as she flew through the Shrine of the Two Moons' archway and she headed straight towards portals in the Imperial Mercantile. Popping through the portal into Orgrimmar, a song snuck into her head, something she'd heard as someone flew in from Arathi Basin one day.

“Rockin' around, the resto tree, it's a BG holidayyy, If he can keep lifebloom on me, I can kill allies all day!”
She remembered that her original plan was to find her friend Akabeko and sing all her overheard Winter Veil carols to her in person. But that didn't work since she lost her voice. She remembered the original singer was a very angry orc but she had thought the songs would sound good with her husky tauren voice.

She willed herself into bird form and flapped her wings, lifting herself off the ground and heading towards the tree that Great Father Winter had erected near the flight master and riding trainer. As the giant tree came into view, she remembered all the good Winter's Veils she'd had under that tree, or a similar one.

Last year, she remembered running into her sister Annanda shortly after Annanda had her mind transferred from an undead until a goblin. She remembered the year before when her love, Paliclaus, gifted her with a elixir of the sands so she could turn into a giant dragon. (Every druid really wants to be a dragon ya know.) And the years prior, she remembered laughing with her best shaman friend, who started as a tauren, then had her mind transferred to a troll, then to a goblin.

Winter Veil has always been Karegina's favorite holiday. Durotar never got cold, but it got cooler during this time of the year and felt a little more the Mulgore. Which brought to mind another song she'd heard from an angry orc.

“Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the game is so delightful, and since we've no place to go, Kill a gnome, Kill a gnome, kill a gnome.”

She'd heard it as he was returning from a Eye of the Storm battleground. She always heard the funniest things as people returned from battlegrounds.

Karegina flew around the tree a few times before spotting Akabeko standing before Tatepi, the banker. She landed, pulled on her gaudy singing sweater and started singing the rest of the overheard carols.

“Do you see what I see? A star, a star, go head and hex, we must kill it after skull and X! We must kill it after skull and X.”

She took a deep breath for a trickier carol and started in again.

“Silent priest, holy priest, you've been healing our raid the least.”

With that, she shifted into bird form and flapped away.

*********
Your real present was going to be me singing these carols plus a few more but our recording equipment broke and then I got sick so my voice is weak. Thanks to @angryorc1 for the lyrics and to @redcowrise for organizing this wonderful event. I loved doing it last year, and I loved doing it this year. Merry Winter Veil!! (Karegina | Ysera's Daughter)

don't make me flip this table

My gift to you today is a gif of me playing 超・ちゃぶ台返し aka "the table-flipping game." The link should give you an idea of what it's like to play. Most of the fun is the slow-motion replay of your destruction. In even better news, I just found out there's an app for it. Happy holidays, my darlings.

#ffw The Pools of Vision [guest post!!]

I was so caught up in what I would do for the gift I am preparing for my #ffw recipient, that I'd totally forgotten I would be receiving something too! Imagine my confusion when this landed in my inbox.....Kamalia? How the hell did she get my email? What could she wa - oooooooooohhhhhh.

I can't thank her enough for this wonderful addition to the storyline that Akabeko and I have been weaving! I can't speak for Aka (though I am quietly confident that she feels the same(Aka: YES)), but I am thrilled to have others contribute their talents, characters, and headcanon to our little fanfic project. This Winter Veil gift story fills a hole in my timeline that I just could not find ideas for, and I could not have asked for a more perfect gift!

Thank you, Kamalia! And a merry Winter Veil to all!

- Dahakha

=====

A very merry Winter Veil to you, Dahakha! I don't know what you have planned for your story, so if this doesn't fit in with your plot, feel free to add a disclaimer about it being "non-canonical" when you post it. 

The Pools of Vision 

A deep voice roused the shaman from her meditation, and she lifted her eyes, blinking, from the fire to see the dark silhouette of a bull in druid gear looming in the doorway of her tent.

Finishing the traditional Taur'ahe greeting to a respected Farseer, the stranger bowed to her. As her eyes adjusted, she saw the gold-capped tips of the bull's own horns peeping out from a blue leather hood adorned with massive antlers, and the glint of the firelight reflecting off of his eyes. She could not make out much else of his face.

"How may I help you?" she asked, gesturing her visitor to seat himself on another of the rugs around the firepit.

"I have been told that a... friend of mine, whom I consider to be trustworthy, has great regard for your insights and opinions. I have recently returned from a sojourn in Outland, and I find things much changed, in ways that I do not fully understand."

"You seek a vision, then?" the shaman inquired. "What is it you wish to see?"

The druid hesitated, drawing in and letting out several deep breaths before he answered. "There are events, people, that my friends and associates do not seem to remember in the same way I do. I would like to know whether it is their memory that is confounded... or mine."

"That is not an easy vision to request of the spirits," the shaman replied. "Do you have any objects that may serve as a lodestone for their search?"

Nodding, the druid reached into his pack and withdrew a lockbox. "I left this chest in my vault before I departed for Outland. When I returned, it was not in my vault, and I was... disturbed by where I did, at last, find it."

The shaman took the box and examined it carefully. Her eyes widened as she recognized the faint scent clinging to the carved wood as the smoke from funerary herbs. "This will not be an easy vision to request," she repeated. "A place of power will be required, and I must focus my own soul. Meet me at dawn tomorrow morning at the entrance to the Pools of Vision."

The grey light of very early morning was just beginning to turn rosy when the shaman arrived at the mouth of the caverns that riddled the interior of Spirit Rise. As she looked around, the sleek shape of a druid in cat-form materialized out of the shadows, then shifted smoothly into a bull wearing an antlered hood and blue feathers on his shoulders. Wordlessly, they went into the caves. Out of long habit, the shaman cast a baleful glare down the passageway where the Forsaken coven practiced their dark magics.

Seeing the druid's questioning look, she muttered, "I don't understand why the Forsaken weren't cast out of this sacred place after Magatha," -- she practically spat the name -- "who first sponsored their coming here, was exiled."

The druid shrugged sympathetically. "There are many, many things about the administration of the Horde these days that I do not comprehend. Perhaps this vision will help me make sense of some of them."

They made their way to a small chamber as far from the corrupting influence of the Forsaken as possible. Phosphorescent mushrooms lit the cave with a glow that was softened and diffused by the mist hanging over the shimmering surface of the pool that took up most of the floor.

The shaman carefully set up her totems in the corners of the dry space. Taking the lockbox from the druid, she placed it at the very edge of the water. "Kneel here," she instructed the druid. "Clear your mind of all but your queries, and gaze into the water."

   

Then she began to chant, invoking each of the elemental spirits in turn, and then the ancestral spirits who watched over Thunder Bluff from the Red Rocks. The surface of the pool quivered, began to bubble, and then wavelets rippled up to lap around the lockbox as the elements responded.

"Now we must watch and listen," the shaman said quietly as she finished chanting.

The mist thickened until the druid could barely see anything beyond the box; he could locate the shaman's totems only by their colored glows.

Suddenly, the mist cleared, the surface of the pool became as smooth as glass, and in its stillness, the druid saw.

Enjoy! :) 

Kamalia

#ffw Furtive Father Winter participants!

Emails have gone out! If you have not received an email from me about your gift recipient, or if you have any comments or questions, please reply here/use my contact form ASAP! Now the fun begins: please investigate your recipient's blog to see if it gives you any gift inspiration! Then, by December 31st, email them a gift post to publish!

Here are this year's contributors! I'm so pleased to see old and new faces, and I look forward to everyone's posts!

Akabeko (red cow rise) from Karegina!
Effraeti (Awaiting the Muse) from Cymre!
Kamalia (Kamalia et Alia) from Kialesse!
Cymre (Bubbles of Mischief) from Herculano!
Stubborn (Sheep the Diamond) from Carmelo M!
Amerence (Amerence Love WoW) from Delgadita & Kamalia!
Prinnie (That Was an Accident!)
Karegina (Ysera's Daughter) from Lib Feathers!
Navimie (The Daily Frostwolf) from Dahakha!
Draccus (A Druid's Doodling) from Delgadita!
Tyledres (Frost and Claws) from Jojo! (2, 3)
Typhoon Andrew (Eye of the Storm) from Garrosh Hellscream!
Incinderella (Incinderella's Fashion Emporium) from Noahdeer!
Noahdeer (Be MOP) from Oathblade!
Draynee (Pretty Fly for a Draenei) from Tyledres!
Nightwill (Info about WoW from the Altaholic) from Kaliy!
Lib Feathers (Fanfiction by Lib Feathers) from Incinderella!
Dahakha (*this will be hosted on red cow rise) from Kamalia!
Carmelo M (Clever Musings) from Amerence!
Jennifer (Escapist Scrawl) from Typhoon Andrew!
Arvash (The Crimson Hammer) from The Godmother!
The Godmother (Alt:ernative) from Stubborn!
Kaliy (The Casual Everythinger) from Jojo!
Garrosh Hellscream (The Warchief's Command Board) from Akabeko!
Jojo (Admiring Azeroth) from Xsinthis!
Xsinthis (The Golden Crusade) from Arvash!
Kialesse (Sisterhood of Kia)
Herculano (Herculano Unchained) from Navimie!

#ffw *UNHOLY SCREECHING*

You know that feeling when you get linked by a big name blog and pee your pants a little? Just me? (Bueller?)

yeah it's recycled content DEAL WITH IIIIT

I welcome any new traffic from WoW Insider's advertisement! Please be kind to my humble bandwidth!

This is a reminder post that this year's Blog Azeroth's ~Furtive Father Winter~ post exchange is underway. The deadline is Dec 15th, so if you have 1) a name, 2) a blog, 3) an email address, and 4) a festive desire to give a post to another blogger, SIGN UP ALREADY! You can do so on the BA forum post, my parent post, or by contacting me privately.

So far we have 20 people signed up! This is gonna be so merry!

2merry2handle

#ffw Furtive Father Winter 2012

Happy December! The icy tendrils of winter are stealing across Azeroth, and its peoples turn their faces towards the distant spring. Those of us on Earth are bundling up and settling in for a long winter's grindfest.

Once again, it's time for the 4th annual Blog Azeroth Furtive Father Winter blogger gift exchange! Bloggers are encouraged to sign up, create a post for their randomly-assigned gift recipient, and publish the gift they receive from their furtive Father Winter! You don't need to be a BA member (although I highly recommend it), but you do need a place to publish gifts.

The process is simple:

1. Between now and December 15th, email me using my comment form, reply to this post, or reply to the Blog Azeroth FFW thread. I need your name, email address, and blog URL.
2. On December 16th, I will pair up participants and email everyone with the name, email address, and blog URL of their gift recipient.
3. Gift givers should then learn about their recipient and create a gift post using prose, poetry, music, graphic art, screenshots, or anything else that inspires them. There is no quantity requirement; just make sure it's something you might like to receive as a present!
4. Between December 20th and 31st, please deliver your gift, and publish what you receive on your blog. Be sure to credit the gift-giver so we can appreciate all the creativity!

Last year we had a really incredible turnout, and everyone turned in wonderful posts by the deadline. To keep it going, feel free to nab the graphic and link to this event on your own blog or twitter. The more the merrier!

#intpipomo hey did you guys go shopping on black friday?

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

I took some liberties with the "duck" part

For fun I googled "turducken" hoping I would find some hilariously stupid stories, like deep fried turkey made in your driveway. The best thing from the Wikipedia article is that Joe Madden, "[w]hile announcing for CBS Sports, displayed a turducken and began carving it." Oh, and the vegetarian version is called tofucken. You're welcome.

raauugharGBARLGAARRGGAAAUUH

Maybe we should have waited till you were full grown....

for some reason my hooves can handle this

and this. CLIP CLOP TAKE THAT

ah, well...ok

haipu

stupid Sha of Anger making all my pictures overcast

ARE YOU GUYS BREWING COFFEEEEEEEEEEEE

41/50

Hallow's End!

I'm not dead yet!

Dragon*con photospam

As I was taking this some noob driving by yelled "Hey, Avatar!"

Midsummer Fire Festival: The Ice Stone has melted!

The Midsummer Fire Festival, according to the official Blizzard explanation, “celebrates the hottest season of the year.” It begins on June 21, the northern hemisphere’s summer solstice, lasts for two weeks, and finishes with an event known as the Fireworks Spectacular (formerly the Engineers' Explosive Extravaganza) that coincides with the USian Independence Day on July 4. The holiday features a host of daily quests, yearly quests requiring lots of travel around the continents, buffs obtained from food and other means, festive clothing, and fun vanity items like the Brazier of Dancing Flames and the Captured Flame minipet.

The event is based on the Earth celebration of Midsummer, with influences from Northern European nations, particularly Finland. In Azeroth, revelers light bonfires both because the season is hot and because they are hosting fire emissaries from the Elemental Plane. On Earth, the bonfires are lit on Midsummer to protect against evil spirits roaming in the night. Only some foods are directly mentioned in Midsummer events, so the in-game snacks are derived from food typically eaten at barbeques and campsites. Midsummer Sausage and Toasted Smorcs are reminiscent of typical campfire fare: hot dogs and smores. Elderberry Pie makes me think immediately of Monty Python, although there are plenty of recipes for said pie on the internet. Fire-Toasted Bun is a humorous name that most likely refers to player characters spending most of the holiday standing very close to bonfires.

Other earthly celebrations have been adapted for Azerothian use, most notably the maypole. As suggested by its name, the maypole is typically erected on May Day, however in Sweden it is put up during midsummer. The maypole is used in game to generate a buff; when a player clicks on the Ribbon Pole, their character is connected by a fiery ribbon to the pole and spins around as if dancing. This animation will continue until players move out of range, and in fact if they run around the pole it is reminiscent of maypole circle and ribbon dances.

Midsummer plants are believed to have magical healing powers and are picked on Midsummer Eve. Although the healing properties were not retained, the Burning Blossoms that players collect and use as currency look similar to Calendula, and when thrown into a bonfire provide a damage buff in addition to relighting doused flames. These plants are also referenced in the Handful of Summer Petals, a vendor item that shows the player being sprinkled with summery petals. Midsummer revelers may wear crowns of wildflowers, but although players can garb themselves in the Vestment of Summer, Mantle of the Fire Festival, and matching Sandals of Summer, the Crown of the Fire Festival does not resemble a circlet of flowers. This year there is also an extra hat: the Helm of the Fire Festival allows other players to cook on your character's fondue hat! 

The European Midsummer is celebrated with singing, dancing, effigies of spirits, rituals promoting fertility and marriage, and daring leaps over the bonfires. Azeroth has ignored any reference to romance or virility, and instead of something as tame as jumping over a flame, encourages players to not only honor their faction’s bonfires, but to steal those of the opposing faction! There’s nothing quite so daring as running through the streets of Stormwind to steal the flame of the Alliance’s capital city. Two daily quests also ask players to play with fire. For Torch Tossing, a player must light a torch in the main bonfire, then throw it into a marked brazier. For Torch Catching, a player must light the torch in the bonfire, then throw it overhead and attempt to catch it as it falls and throw it again.

Rather than burn effigies to protect themselves from spirits, the citizens of Azeroth invite said spirits, in the form of fire elementals in service to Ragnaros, to spend Midsummer with them on the mortal plane. Players are directed to speak to a Festival Talespinner, who will explain why the elementals are present and ask the player to honor them with a gift of incense. Of course, this empowers the diminutive scorchling, who expands rapidly, taking on the shape of Ragnaros, and reveals that perhaps the emissaries are not so willing to negotiate peacefully as they suggested. 

Now! Finally! Our plans can take effect!
KNEEL, LITTLE MORTAL! KNEEL BEFORE THE MIGHT OF THE HERALD OF RAGNAROS!
YOU WILL ALL PERISH IN FLAMES!

Although there are no spirits to fear (or so we foolishly think) on Midsummer night, the Captured Flame pet likely comes from the will o’ the wisps supposedly seen at night in Finland. Players used to be able to get a scorchling minipet from the holiday dungeon, but it has been changed to a frostling pet instead.

The major questline for this holiday is built around some very strange assumptions about the elemental lords Ragnaros and Neptulon. With Cataclysm, I expected this to change drastically – after all, we now know beyond a doubt that Ragnaros is not going to do anything beneficial with his emissaries of flame hanging around our bonfires. Furthermore, we have spent an entire zone helping Neptulon deal with both naga and their old god allies. And yet, the premise of this holiday’s story and quest chain is that Skar’this, a naga held captive in the Slave Pens and loyal to Neptulon, is plotting to summon the Frost Lord Ahune to confront the Firelord. Despite the fact that characters should be eager to support such a venture, low level players are directed to summon and defeat lesser ice elementals from Ice Stones around the world, and max-level characters travel to the Slave Pens to melt the main Ice Stone, disrupt Ahune’s connection to the elemental plane, and defeat him. Rades has a wonderful examination of Neptulon’s perceived motives and power with a subsection just for Ahune here which is definitely worth a read, and brings up further questions about what players are doing in Vashj’ir and during the Fire Festival. 

With appropriate transportation, a character can honor or desecrate the holiday fires and can complete the quest Stealing [City]'s Flame upon looting the flames from their opposing faction’s four major cities. After doing the lead-in quests, players can do 3 daily quests. A guide to the meta-achievement awarding the title Flame Keeper (H) or Flame Warden (W) can be found here. The Ahune boss strategy can be found here.

Goblin journal: Together Again

Imagine my surprise when I realized that a year had gone by and it was Children's Week once again. I felt kind of bad, realizing that I hadn't visited Logal at all, but that's the point of the holiday, right? Prior to that, I had been mucking around the Swamp of Sorrows; there's a goblin getaway and a few Horde outposts, so there was plenty to do. Most of it involved explosions, so I was right in my element.

If it hadn't been for Myda contacting me, I may never have gotten the postcard from the orphanage asking me to drop by again. Fortunately, she's been holding down the finances like a trade prince and was at home to get the message. I ported back to Orgrimmar right away.

Logal, in the nature of all children, grew up. Literally - he's enormous! I mean, he was already taller than me when we first met, but now he's quite the picture of young orchood. Of course, he wasn't too old to give Auntie  Sprinkie a (bone-crushing) hug. Ahh, to be young and awkward again!

We took a walk through the Drag to catch up on the past year. He looked healthy enough, but I was glad to hear that not only is he still getting regular meals and general education at the orphanage, but he's also been visiting local businesses to learn about the various trades available to him. It seems that throughout the year his heart's desire has been everything from rocket engineer to leatherworker to warrior. I told him about my adventuring, not that there's anything particularly interesting to tell, but he seemed to enjoy it all the same. In a year or two he'll be able to leave the orphanage and apprentice somewhere; he said even now he sometimes gets odd jobs for a little spending money. If he had any interest in banking I'd make him a Sparklefizz, but I suspect he needs something a bit more physical than that.

We were deciding on something for lunch when I received an urgent summon from Stonard. One of the commanders I had worked under was requesting my attention in the Blasted Lands on everything from marauding ogres to a mine dispute to a misplaced forest.

I had to go, Journal. If I want to maintain any credibility with the Horde I need to obey my superiors, even if it means letting a kid down. So I told Logal to go back to the orphanage, and I would be by later in the week to take him around. Then I opened a portal to Stonard. Right as I'm about to close the portal, suddenly Logal comes barreling through, just barely missing being snipped right in half by arcane energy!

To say I was angry would be an understatement. I had a job to do, and such jobs are rarely safe even for those trained to handle them. I didn't want to put Logal in danger; if he wanted to look for danger he could wait until he was the right age and do it after lots of proper training. I explained this all to him, trying not to blow a gasket, and when I was done with my tirade he simply looked at me and said please, I want to do this. You're supposed to go on your first hunt with your parents.

What was I supposed to do? Myda can never know about this. Riches, the orphanage matron can never know about this! I could have ignored him, opened a portal and shoved him back into Orgrimmar and gone about my business.

I let him come with me. Don't give me that look! How can you say no to a request like that?

The commander had a list of tasks for me to take care of, so I went with the least-dangerous sounding one first. A mine dispute - surely that's just some smooth negotiating, right? In this case, it appeared that negotiations and failed and the backup plan was to kill everyone and salt the earth. Or the ore, in this case. We followed the cart rails deep into the mines and found a troll overlooking a camp of terrified Alliance miners. They had discovered something deep in the mines that scared them so much they suspended operations. I was worried about Logal seeing whatever it was, but it's not like there was anyplace to leave him wait.

We snuck past the Alliance with a makeshift disguise made out of a supply crate. Perhaps not my best invention, but they were so rattled they didn't notice it changing positions. Logal didn't quite grasp the danger of sneaking through a swarm of hostiles, but at least he was quiet and obeyed my instructions.

The terror turned out to be a disgusting tentacle demon. Logal couldn't stop staring. I ordered him to hide under the box until I had taken care of it, but when it got a good swipe on me, he threw off the box and started shouting at it. Of course, this attracted its attention, and I managed to kill it just in time. Yes, I know. It was irresponsible and reckless of me to bring him. He was more subdued on the trip back to the entrance of the mines, but once we were on the surface his good humor came back. Maybe I'm just trying to justify it to myself, but I think if he wants to learn about the realities of combat he might as well do it alongside someone with experience who cares about him.

Still, I didn't report to any of the quests that would likely have me killing humanoids. It's a bit harder to stomach killing someone who looks like you than it is to kill an animal or a demon. If the current atmosphere is any indication, Logal will have plenty of opportunity to kill humanoids in the coming years. I don't need to hasten that experience.

So next we went to the Dark Portal. I only vaguely remembered things from my history lessons, but Logal was completely bowled over. After all, it is how his people got into Azeroth in the first place. His parents came through that portal. I let him gape while I picked up orders from the warlord and then it was off to kill some more demons. I wouldn't let Logal help actually attack them, but I told him to keep a good lookout for other enemies so he would have something to do. It was a lucky thing, too, because there were demons everywhere around the portal!

Logal wanted to go through the portal, but I had to put my foot down at that. The other side is still supposedly a constant warzone, and frankly even I'm not prepared for that. Besides, he was looking a little shook up after all those fights. Ugh. The more I think about it the more I regret it. But what's done is done. He would have started seeing that kind of violence sooner or later.

Finally I brought us back to Orgrimmar, and to make up for working during his special week, I called in a few favors and got a guest pass to Gallywix's rooftop pleasure palace from Boss Mida. I let Logal swim around in Gallywix's pool and drank overpriced cocktails all weekend.

Children's Week: I have a rock in my nose.

Children's Week, also known as Week of the Wardens, charges accomplished players with a week of giving back to "the innocents of war - the orphans." This holiday occurs around the Korean and Japanese Children's Day holidays, but makes the goal about orphaned children rather than all children. Are you ready to meet the pre-teen face of Azeroth?

Almost every nation has some kind of Children's Day. South Korea's occurs on May 5th, and is a day for parents to spend time with their children, take in some kid-friendly entertainment, and pamper their progeny with gifts and good food. The holiday originated as Boy's Day, celebrated during the Japanese period of colonization. Japan celebrates "Girl's Day", or the Doll Festival, on March 3rd, but eventually changed May 5th to Children's Day with a special emphasis on boys' growth and development. Although celebrations initially mimicked the Japanese counterpart, South Korea does not display armor or carp streamers on this day. If you recall my earlier holiday posts, you will remember Dano Day, another 5th month 5th day holiday from the Chinese calendar. This holiday may explain why Children's Day was eventually moved to May 5th.

Children's Day in South Korea was originally observed on May 1st beginning in 1922. Dr. Bang Jeong-hwan, a writer and children's rights activist, coined the modern, more respectful term for children eorini and founded the children's rights organization Saekdong. He authored the Children's Charter to proclaim the rights of children to safety and happiness, and proposed the yearly celebration of Children's Day on May 1st. In 1946, after a 7 year cessation of the holiday due to occupying Japanese forces, the holiday was changed to May 5th. In 1975 it finally acquired public holiday status.

Azeroth's counterpart has a much more sober history. Orphan Matrons in Stormwind, Orgrimmar, Shattrath, and Dalaran allow each orphan to spend a week with a player volunteer. During that week the volunteer, assumed to be well-funded and well-traveled, is expected to provide anything the orphan asks for. That means that players will be traversing the entirety of Azeroth and Outlands, and buying a host of snacks and toys for their diminutive companions. The quests, recently updated, provide a unique filter for people and places that are old hat to long time players. I've always enjoyed watching my orphan interact with Lady Sylvanas, marvel at the Dark Portal, and prance around Grizzlemaw. Their childlike reactions to new places and people are sweet and often humorous. However, considering their other requests to visit estranged friends and siblings, I am reminded of the harsh reality in which the orphans live. Furthermore, the fact that my character participates in aggressive campaigns means there's a very real chance that I have created some of these orphans. It's never been implied in the quests, but I have to wonder how the matrons feel about adventurers like me. Maybe they consider the week I volunteer an appropriate penance for my violence.

After finishing the quest chains, players have the choice of adorable companion pets or a Curmudgeon's Payoff. Keep in mind that when Mists goes live, accounts will share pets, so if you can complete this holiday on multiple characters, you can get all the pets more quickly! Not to mention you might be able to knock out Veteran Nanny in one go for a hefty 50 achievement points. There are surprisingly few achievements for this holiday; only 8 for a total of 120 points. However, one of them is the universally-hated PVP extravaganza School of Hard Knocks. In keeping with the theme of "show your orphan around," players must venture into battlegrounds and perform tasks like capturing and returning flags and assaulting nodes with their orphan at their side. Diehard PVPers frustrated with the sudden influx of non-PVP oriented players in their BGs may take out their irritation on players with orphan companions - traumatizing for all involved. My only advice is to stay calm and go early in the morning. If you complete all the required achievements you will earn the dubiously appropriate title Matron or Patron (I mean, you did abandon your orphan in the wilderness when you used your hearthstone...).

The Shattrath and Dalaran orphans mention their names in the quests, but this year was the first time I realized that the human and orc orphans also have names. Now I feel like a butthole, since I randomly created one for my orphan when I wrote about it last year. Sorry, buster. Here are some of my favorite flavor quotes from the little tykes:

Grunth (orc): If your glove is too big, does it still fit like a glove?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Randis (human): If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?
Did you just come out of a dungeon? Did you get me anything?
Salandria (blood elf): I bet ice cream would taste better if it were socketed!
Dornaa (draenei): Is the Twisting Nether shaped like a pretzel? And just what is a Nether? The orphan matron said I shouldn't ask people about their nethers.
Roo (gorloc): We can has aged yolk?
Kekek (wolvar): Orcs always point and laugh at Kekek, but he get revenge one day.

The Leatherworkers [Noblegarden]

This year for the Great Blog Noblegarden Egg Hunt, I created a silly 4 panel comic featuring the leatherworkers! It was originally hidden in the "3" of my Tier 3 link, but now gets its own special page. Enjoy!