Faffin' around

Are you guys exhausted by all of the fanfic posts yet? There's a little bit of a break coming, so take a breath. Now would probably be a bad time to mention the just-created Fanfic Fridays?

This past weekend was the last free weekend I'll have until I leave Japan, so I spent it gorging myself on WoW. What? That's a perfectly acceptable use of my time. I visited the Midsummer fires on 3 toons and honored or peed on them as the situation called for. Sprinkie the mage gained a level and a half, which is nice because I don't particularly want to go through Borean Tundra or Howling Fjord again. I am looking forward to Sholazar Basin for whatever reason. Aka got Ahune's scythe, and my silly paladin found an Ice Chip in her bag! Anzu, however, remains Mob-of-Interest #1.

On Saturday night, I got a random tell from a level 1 asking me to come to a heroic 25 ICC. We didn't endeavor to do any particular achievements, although some simply happened. Sadly, WoW crashed and  wouldn't let me back in for around 10 minutes so I missed the entirety of the Valithria fight and almost got booted from the group. Everything was going well until we got to LK, when people were shot off the platform by the shadow puddles or stood in defile, and the RL unleashed an unexpected torrent of hatred on the group. Awww, your precious nerd rage, it tastes so good. I was having a great time watching Legend of Korra.

The next night, as I was tooling around the Faire on my mage, I got a tell from a former guildie (she didn't leave on the best of terms) asking me to bring a toon to the last 2 bosses of DS. I told her I couldn't go (I was engrossed in Tangled, okay) and she asked me who my main was. I told her and she stopped responding...guess she didn't remember me? For some reason that annoyed me. You don't even know who you are talking to but you try to get raiders for your new guild's raid? It's not any different from what the random from Saturday did, but considering she and I raided together for several weeks I thought she would at least recognize my name. Harrumph!

There's been lots of Mists information lately, and I am loving all of it! The shared mounts and pets are making me a very happy grinder. I'm chugging away at the Darkmoon Faire, having each alt buy a different pet so that eventually they will all be shared with my main! And the flippable table? You better believe I FLIPPED MY SHIT when I saw that. Holy crap! An item just for me! I actually haven't played in the beta for quite some time. Although they raised the level cap and opened up the final zone, I feel like I've gotten what information I needed and now I can wait to play it for reals. Seeing the pandaren starting zone was enough to give me an idea for my new character, and goofing my way through the 85+ quests helped solidify my plans for Aka's story. Now I just need a release date to plan around and I'm set!

Remember when I was curious about pandaren roleplay, namely what island characters would know about the rest of the world? As always, Anne Stickney comes through for me with a fantastic roundup of exactly how much Azerothian history they've missed out on.

aka: druid pajamas
dah: beach gear
aka: flattering, but protective
dah: please don't have the LW design druid bikinis...

In addition to more LW posts (gosh I love those guys), I've hopefully got a few more lead-in stories regarding Aka, Mists, and my newbie. There's also the rest of the city picspam posts (did you forget about the Silvermoon one?). Since I'll be using my laptop during the month of August, I'm hoping to queue up a ton of screenshot posts and maybe check in weekly via video! Finally, I'm knocking around the idea of creating a toon that only does holiday activities. If this means only doing level appropriate quests or trying to corpse run through high level areas remains to be seen. Also, I'm trying to decide between rogue/druid for stealth, hunter for pet distraction, or pally for plate protection and self healing. Any ideas?

#MMONBI Girls Gone WoW guest appearance and miscellany

Previously: Why and What to Post, Blog Setup and Community Building, Roundup, Using Screenshots

So the very successful New Blogger Initiative has ended, although Syp revealed he will keep the forums up for further discussion. There have been some very nice wrap up posts. Syp has a list of all the new blogs AND all the advice columns published here and Windsoar has categorized the advice posts here. If you're looking for another way to promote your blog to gamers, register at the Gaming Blog Nexus.

Moving right along! I remember reading a post from Gnomeageddeon I think, advising bloggers to simply take a break rather than post in order to apologize to readers for taking a break. Now, I'm not planning on taking a break and this is perhaps premature, but since I'm getting ready to finish my current job, spend a month and a half on vacation -without my desktop-, and then go back to university, I suspect there will be some changes to my blogging. It is my intention to keep posting on a regular basis, although I might drop down to 9-10 posts a month rather than 12. (Sweet Earthmother if Mists comes out during my vacation...all my rage)

On the fiction front, for the three of you that even read it, I've got some changes planned. The Goblin Journal was initially a way to explore Azeroth using the fresh eyes of a new character. Now that she's in Outlands, I find it hard to conjure up motivation to write about killing sporebats. I don't necessarily want to put her story away, but I think I'll keep her around to observe random parts of WoW that I want to comment on, like holidays and faction politics.

The Leatherworkers is chugging along strong. From the first story my interest in the nameless orc and tauren's adventures has grown from "where do tier materials come from?" into "when are these two going to rent an apartment and star in a sitcom?" More backstory about both of them is coming. Fair warning, there is some angst in their future!

Fooling around in the beta has cemented my interest in pandaren and their unique experience in Azeroth. I'm hoping to begin a new story from a pandaren POV in order to explore the new leveling content, the phenomenon of "othering," and Akabeko's character as seen from an outside point of view.  Please look forward to The Bard and the Tree!

For those of you who couldn't give two shits about fanfiction, rest assured that I only endeavor to post one chapter of each storyline per month, so there will be plenty of screenshot spam and formless nerdraging to enjoy!

Finally, I was a guest on the Girls Gone WoW podcast for the second time! You can hear episode 54: Refreshingly Exotic here. We talk about what we're looking forward to in MoP (fairly sure this is spoiler-free) and the ins and outs of rep grinding. If you aren't listening to these ladies (and sometimes gent) on a regular basis, change that! They have laid-back, funny, and comparatively short podcasts that are perfect for grinding or cooking dinner to :)

Can someone explain pandaren lore to me?

[not-so-spoilers: brief reference to pandaren starting area general plot in brackets; otherwise just speculation based on currently available information]

Lore nerds, I need your help! I have some questions about pandaren. I read WoW Insider's guide to pandaren roleplay recently, which was very helpful, but I have some logistical questions about the Wandering Isle.

We know that all playable pandaren will be from the Wandering Isle. That means they are descendants of the original adventurous pandaren that chose to leave Pandaria to travel the world. Some of that adventurous spirit must still remain, but I wonder if after so long they don't also get some odd birds that like their simple island life and don't feel the need to adventure. Not to mention that exploration would necessitate actually leaving the Wandering Isle. Just standing on the edge and peeking at other islands flowing by doesn't seem very adventurous.

Chen Stormstout, a native of the Wandering Isle, left the island to explore Kalimdor (probably spending most of his time wall-jumping trying to get into hidden areas). How many other pandaren have left the island in order to explore? Do they return - can they return? Have they heard about the changes to Azeroth - things like the orcs invading, draenei crashing, Gilneans emerging, goblins joining the Horde? After all, they've been on the Wandering Isle for centuries. They must have experience the Cataclysm, but do they know who caused it, or his fate? If not ambassadors, have knowledgeable pandaren returned to the island to teach things like Common and Orcish? To teach about the other inhabitants of Azeroth? [[ [[The final events of the Wandering Isle suggest that pandaren can communicate well enough with the Horde and Alliance and aren't too troubled by the sight of a tauren or human, but why is that?]] ]] How much communication is there between Shen-zin Su and the rest of Azeroth? 

Then, upon finally reaching Pandaria (for the sake of story I would likely skip the out-of-timeline leveling between 12 and 85), how would the pandaren react to their ancestral home? For other adventurers, it would merely be a place of rumor, novel but not personal. For pandaren, this is the place they've heard about in legends. Their ancestors were raised here; many of their customs and beliefs come from this place, although time and separation might have changed them. Can you imagine how sayings and beliefs from Pandaria, things like the need to expel negative feelings to avoid creating real enemies, would warp into empty platitudes on the Sha-free island?

Currently, the pandaren of Pandaria react to island pandaren as if they were run of the mill adventurers: you look different, here is some ancient pandaren wisdom you don't know. I think this could be explained away if the pandaren of Pandaria think of island pandaren as immature and uncultured. And considering how long the two types of pandaren have been separated, it's likely that everything from accent to lexicon to fashion has diverged.

But the Pandaria natives are extremely laid-back by necessity - it's more likely that they would simply accept the island pandaren back into their homeland with little trouble. This is probably too nitpicky, but I'd love it if Pandaria NPCs could react to player pandaren differently than other races. Imagine if a draenei questgiver were like "Man you have no idea what it's like to live in a spaceship" and your draenei is like "Um excuse you I think I do." Mayhem!

Spoiler FREE Mists beta as told by gifs

This post is high in pictures but low in spoilers! Click through the cut to see my animated reactions to the Mists of Pandaria beta so far :)

Did someone say beta?

Wait up, bandwagon! I'm coming!!

So, I'm not a great beta tester. This might piss some people off, that I'm not going around trying to get myself stuck in invisible holes or bug out a quest NPC, but really I just wanted to get to know my future pandaren lady. What's her story? What does she like? Who are her friends? Being able to inspect her appearance and play her opening story helps me to plan her eventual plot. Plus, I think we've talked about this, I love starting zones! There's something comforting about those introductory quests, the solitude of the area, and the nostalgic appreciation of all those character "firsts."

I wasn't able to successfully download the beta until the problematic Ji Firepaw quest text had already been changed. Really, there's no difference. I mean, he still reminds me of Homer Simpson, if Homer Simpson were capable of formulating a plan of action. The good thing about it taking me so long to finally get playing is that there have already been a host of good responses. Check them out: the original piece at Apple Cider Mage, her response to the change, Peregrina's well-written two cents, and Morrighan's impassioned post.

I'm glad they took out that difference in quest text. Unsolicited commentary on my appearance has always been a prickly subject. Having grown up constantly bombarded by the message that I'm too short, too fat, too greasy, too mannish, too everything, any commentary on that will be fraught with past traumas. It's not that I don't want compliments. I just don't want ones that indicate you're too uncreative to think of anything other than the tired and blatantly obvious. Before you get all contrary and start yammering about how "you don't even want me to COMPLIMENT YOU? You must be the saddest killjoy in all of No Funnington," let me remind you that there are a TON of other ways to compliment someone without potentially weirding them out with a comment on their looks!

If Ji were hosting a pandaren beauty contest and told me I was a hot piece of pandameat, I would be like "Yes!! Just wait until the swimsuit portion, LADIES." But I'm not going to him to be evaluated on my prize-winning ducklips face; I'm reporting for duty to help my people. I want his reaction to reflect my obvious ability to help. "Damn, girl, you look like you could hoist me over your head!" Hell yeah I can! I'm ripped! (wrapped in a protective layer of padding!)

Imagine recommending this blog to someone. "Follow red cow rise; Aka's a total babe." Be that as it may, it doesn't really relate to the content. "Follow red cow rise; Aka's a great writer and funny as hell." Accurate, and more importantly, relevant!

Here, I've gone and done some more potential situations for you:

GYM: "Cute face!"  ==>  "Wow, you're really strong/flexible/fast!"
KARAOKE: "You're sexy!"  ==>  "Your voice is incredible!" "You pick the best songs!"
COOKING: "Nice butt!"  ==>  "This soup is amazing!"
FASHION: "Those are some Great New York Boobs!"  ==>  "That outfit is fierce as hell!"

Checking on Ravenholdt in Beta

Well, I have updates on my last two posts...both involve tooling around in the beta but I`ll warn you of spoilers.

Ravenholdt in Cata (beta)

The goal of my exploration was to check on the fate of Ravenholdt. Astute readers will know that an exalted reputation with Ravenholdt is required for the Insane title. Assuming that Blizz doesn`t actively strive to make the Insane unachievable, if Ravenholdt and DMF survive in Cata and can still award rep, then I should be all set to finish up my title even after Cata launch. So, I copied over a premade level 85 rogue which I proceeded to spec as haphazardly as possible. (As a fun aside, although the premade was an orc male, the stress test recustomization feature resulted in a snarky lady goblin! :3) First, I flew out to Ravenholdt Manor to confirm its continued existence. I almost flew past it because of the map redesign. Flying past Tarren Mill reminded me to keep an eye out, and I even noticed some scratchy markings on the map that indicate the secret path leading to the manor!

Since the questgiver was there asking for junkboxes, I then headed to LBRS to see about acquiring some (my Insane buddy swears by this location). A quick turn through and I had 5 Heavy Junkboxes to hand in. I managed to get back to the manor and hand in the quest. Lo and behold, I got my 75 rep with Ravenholdt!

Beta surprise! [spoilers]

For starters, the Alterac and Hillsbrad maps have been combined. Frankly, it makes a lot more sense now, especially since the border between the two has always been a little awkward. The maps in general have gotten clearner - for instance, there used to be a mysterious green patch on the western end of Tirisfal Glades that always intrigued me. Apparently it`s just supposed to be more mountains, so now the enticing green area has been replaced with wholly uninteresting mountains. Curiosity averted!

I zoned in to Orgrimmar and had to get to Undercity to check out all the exciting new stuff...and still found myself traveling by zeppelin! I had long hoped that major cities might offer faction-related portals for easy access, but the only thing I could find was a portal to Tol Barad. At least UC and Silvermoon have an insta-portal, and the zep ride from Org to UC isn`t so bad (although waiting for the zep to appear is!), but I hope they put something more expedient between Org and Thunderbluff. I love TB and would want to base myself out there if possible, but the flight to Org is already quite long and the zep ride is a joke!

Flying from Flame Crest to UC was really shocking. Although I haven`t played ally for very long, I really enjoy the atmosphere of a lot of their zones. I flew first through the Badlands, which were impressively scorched and razed, but mostly impressive since I`ve never particularly liked them. Loch Modan, however... The dam is burst! The loch is dry!! Even the critters themselves are new and varied. And since I flew from south to north, I started with the dry loch, had to check the map to see where I was, and then flew over the pieces of the shattered dam. This was pretty heartwrenching (;~;), but flying through the Wetlands made me feel a little better when I saw that the Greenwarden had acquired a following! He used to be all alone in the middle of the Wetlands, but now he has a little quest hub to keep him company :)

After arriving in UC, before I logged out I flew around the city. You can fly in the city, so I ended up flying out via the flight path I came in. I got a creepy mental image of players hovering in the darkness above the bank like oversized bats. *shudder* Outside, the ruins of the entire city were accessible to my flying mount. There`s a lot more to the upper level than the broken courtyard we are accustomed to seeing, and it`s fantastically eerie. As I was flying around, however, I noticed some glowing green machines in a back courtyard that looked suspiciously like plague spreaders...

[spoilers] Goblin starting zone: compliments

I may have criticisms about the goblin starting zone, but that doesn't mean that I don't also love it! It's a fun, non-stop action packed story filled with laughs and explosions.

WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE

When you first load up your goblin gal, the cast for the story is basically already there. You meet the main player Sassy and through questing encounter the supporting roles. As your quests phase the world, the characters change too, regrouping, offering new quests in reaction to the changes, establishing their personalities.

As you change islands, the characters move with you. The mad scientist from your old HQ is now experimenting with food sources. Sassy is still your loyal assistant. Your friends Izzy, Ace, and Gobber still back you up. Coach is still coming up with game plans.

It sounds really cheesy, but in the final scene of the zone, after you've defeated Gallywix (well, put him in his place) and gather on the boat with the whole cast, it's so touching to have everyone there. It half reminds me of the final celebration in Star Wars where Obi Wan pops in, or the end of Wizard of Oz when Dorothy wakes up surrounded by familiar faces. "You were there, and you were there..."

The whole zone plays like a movie, with foreshadowing, suspense, recurring characters, problem, and solution. I think this is added to by the fact that every quest feeds into a central plot. Even when you're killing 10 of X mob or collecting 6 of Y item, the underlying goal is to facilitate the Trade Prince gambit, or later, goblin survival. The subplots also react to major quests and changes, so everything feels cohesive.

GRATUITOUS PICSPAM

This guy is the snarkiest little experiment to ever steal my heart!

Look how cute my bank is! Let's break it open and steal its contents!!

They're ridiculously good-looking.

 Some hilarious quests:

The scenery is beautiful.

THE ABSOLUTE BEST THING

Because you're the Trade Prince competition, you get to tool around in a totally sweet ride. I love this car! I can't even begin to describe how much I love this car. Before, I mentioned that I can't stop driving on the roads in the zone. Part of that is because of how awesome this car is. It has a radio tuner! It has an aWOOga horn! When you hit citizens, they are thrown out of the way and shout about you being a public menace! I'm going to stand by my opinion that this be the racial mount until my fingers fall off from typing it!

[spoilers] Goblin starting zone: critique

I recently finished the goblin starting zone as a female goblin mage named Sprinkie. I have two major critiques about it, and I expect this post to be quite long. 

STARTING OUT: TRADE PRINCE AND YOU

Sprinkie!

Your goblin comes into the world already well-known in Kezan. In fact, the entire 1-5 quest line stars you as the potential next Trade Prince. As much as I love my goblin, this seems a little overblown. My theory about quests is that something as personal as this can`t be shared by the entire playerbase (seeing as they are so personal). For instance, events like Wrathgate occur once in the storyline. My reasoning behind that is we all experience it as a group. So, for instance, on my server hundreds and hundreds of us gathered at the Wrathgate and experienced the event together, although not simultaneously from the players` POV. This of course ignores some game mechanics such as cross-faction player cooperation and communication, raid group limits, and physical size limitations.

The Problem

There are quests that lore-wise can only be completed once, and typically by a single character or small group. Take, for instance, The Lady`s Necklace. I highly doubt that Sylvanas makes a habit of returning to her former home and losing a family treasure so that level 13 belf warlocks can conveniently return it to her. This quest, in the lore of that realm, can only be completed by one belf lock, or perhaps a small adventuring party featuring some pallies. This would totally destroy my Trade Prince issue except...

One Point of Contention 

The next Trade Prince

The one reason I think it is still easier to ignore multiple people doing "once only" quests than the goblin Trade Prince quests is because not everyone will complete "once only" quests. However, every single goblin, simply by virtue of being a goblin and advancing through the unavoidable plotline of the starting zone quests, will assume the same role. And these aren`t lowkey roles, either! You aren`t just finding missing people in the woods or killing the evil leader of some level 10 baddies. You`re the chief competition for Trade Prince, the leader of your entire faction!This makes every single goblin automatically well-known to every other goblin. Furthermore, by being the rescuer of Thrall, you are even more publicly recognizable. 

Suggestions

The Trade Prince problem can be solved easily. Make Sassy Hardwrench the candidate, and the PC her helper! The quests can be changed to reflect you doing the work for her rather than yourself. I think that being even one step removed from Nearly Leader of the Goblins makes the plot more available to our not-yet-hero characters.

YOUR "RELATIONSHIP"

The player romance with the NPC Chip Endale is a product of poor storytelling and irritating assumptions about the player. For starters, there are a total of 3 quests related to this subplot and they are nearly 10 levels apart.

Story? What story?

Get gussied up

When the first criticisms of the goblin boyfriend/girlfriend questline started showing up, I was expecting it to be closely tied to the plot and resolved quickly. When I first logged in, I didn`t even notice Chip and Candy standing behind Sassy. Then a level or two later, Chip`s giving me a quest to get some new duds, and oh btw I`m your boyfriend. Huh? That`s it? So I did his quest, the end. The entire rest of the time on Kezan, I had no reason to interact with Chip. I took quests from Sassy and other notable NPCs, I tooled around with my friends, and I kept thinking, "When does the rest of this problematic quest happen?"

Let it be known that I have the memory of a goldfish. I can pick up a quest, read it, complete it, and by the time I turn it in I`ve forgotten what it was. So when after Chip`s initial quest you see neither hide nor hair of him until the sandy beaches of the Lost Isles, it`s easy to forget. And even then, there`s no reason to talk to him because he offers no quests. Upon seeing him, I was reminded of that subplot and went to have a chat. That`s when I discovered that Chip had dumped me for Candy. "This is it! Time to take revenge!" I foolishly though, expecting resolution. But no, not yet. Without any acknowledgment of these events by you or anyone else, you move on to bigger and better quests.

I'm with Candy now

But I`m still waiting for the revenge part?

She stole your man!

You spend many levels saving the goblins and generally being an extreme badass. Finally, it`s time for the showdown with Gallywix. Honestly, at this point I was suspecting that they had totally removed the problematic finale with Chip, because there was absolutely no reference to Chip or Candy at all after seeing them on the beach. In my goldfish memory, the pair was ancient history. And for good reason - the quests I`ve been doing are light years cooler. Except - surprise! - before you can go after Gallywix you`re charged with killing Chip. Who? Oh, Chip! That ex-boyfriend guy from 5 levels ago! The reason given is that not only is he working for Gallywix, but he dumped you! Are you gonna stand for that? Apparently not! Not only that, but you have to take out Candy as well, ostensibly for now dating and working for Gallywix, but mostly for dating your ex-boyfriend.

Going out with that tramp!

Heartache and betrayal

From a storytelling point of view, to suddenly bring back two up-to-now totally unmentioned characters and then suggest that their betrayal of you hurts enough to warrant killing them is just lazy. It`s made even worse by the fact that the pair defecting to Gallywix`s side is a much more compelling drive for revenge from a goblin`s perspective. But in both of the quests, that huge fact is mentioned in passing, and the romantic issues are played up. Despite, you know, a complete lack of reaction from you when this first comes up and no mention of the characters to keep them tangentially related to the plot. [troll spoilers] In the troll starting zone, you get a buddy troll who periodically interacts with you. Because he frequently checks in, it establishes consistency and camaraderie, and his quest-related death makes much more of an impact (and also is extremely predictable. Sorry, buddy!).

Yo, baby.

"Baby"? Don`t you "Baby" me

Romantic relationships involving my character are something I never want Blizz scripting. Even if it`s all for appearances and business success, make it strictly about business. By giving my character a boyfriend, Blizz assumes that 1) I want my character in a romantic relationship and 2) my female character wants a male partner. The romance in the relationship is unnecessary and awkwardly executed, and serves only to make presumptions about what players would do with their characters.

Let`s work it out

If Candy/Chip must absolutely be attached to the player character, make them our assistant rather than lover. Hell, let us choose which to work with when we pick up the initial quest! If there must be romantic overtones, let Sassy be the jilted lover. Following along my earlier suggestion, with Sassy as an ousted Trade Prince, now spurned by her lover who does the unthinkable by aiding the competition, it`s now your job as her plucky assistant to take the pair out! They could be sharing your trade secrets, after all! I don`t think killing NPCs for romantic reasons should be off limits, considering just about every problem in game can be solved by killing something. I do, however, think care should be taken to avoid slut-shaming, cuz that shit ain`t cool. I think the fact that you kill both your lover and his lover makes it easier to handle, but I`d like to take out the references to Candy being a tramp, and downplay her romances deserving punishment in favor of emphasizing her associations with Gallywix as deserving of revenge.

To make this a cohesive story, make more overt allusions to the pair`s betrayal as the plot advances. Deep feelings of betrayal after nearly 10 levels of ignoring the betrayers is completely unbelievable.

WINDING DOWN

I think these easy changes could make the goblin plotline a lot more believable lore-wise, while still being fun. The whole experience is a blast, and I didn`t like to be jolted out of it by constantly questioning how every goblin could share Trade Prince and why I needed to kill my pretend ex-boyfriend and some lady I don`t care about.


Stay tuned for a massive picture dump of all the totally awesome stuff goblins can do!

Looks like the Horde...

...just got a new breed of goblins

YEAAHHH

Goblin Journal 4

05.10.10

I found the rest of my associates. A few had managed to break free, but most were still completely out of it, slaving away mining kaja'mite in the volcano. You know, the one that was erupting. Exactly how, I ask you, is it profitable to lose your entire workforce and stock to a natural disaster that you can avoid? As it turns out, all my associates needed was a quick shot of Kaja Zero to get their minds back in working order. I had a bit as well and feel fantastic! We busted out of the volcano in no time after we got our thinkin' on.


At the base of the volcano we discovered where Gallywix had gotten off to. In addition to sabotaging his plans, Izzy talked me into killing Chip. To be honest, I had all but forgotten about him. I mean, I haven't even seen him since the beach! And even before that, we barely interacted except for that fashion advice he gave me for the party... I guess we had really grown apart. But as Izzy pointed out, Chip also started working for Gallywix. We had a contract, and it didn't end just because Kezan blew up!

From there it was time to deal with Gallywix's slave pits. I rescued as many captured goblins as I could find, and took out even more Steamwheedle thugs. Also, Sassy wanted me to kill Candy Cane. I don't know her all that well, Journal. Sassy kept telling me that Candy stole my man away, which I guess is true, but I couldn't understand how killing her would be profitable for me... Then Sassy reminded me that Candy now works for Gallywix, and as my formal rival and current nemesis, it's practically my job to take out all of his associates!

While I was dealing with the slave pits, they got a footbomb uniform rigged up to take on Gallywix. Hehe. I'm really, really good at footbomb. Marching up to Gallywix and kicking his weenie little rig's can made my day! I felt like a million macaroons. The only thing that really stung was Thrall believing that sniveling weasel and reinstating him as Trade Prince! Hellooooo? What about me? I've pretty much shown that I can make a buck while still saving the collective lives of my associates! What more could you possibly want in a Trade Prince?

Eat footbombs, Gallywix!

So, this is it, Journal. I'm back to being just another goblin. Thrall has given me some paperwork to deliver to some Garrosh character in Orgrimmar. We are just about to set sail and find out how we can fit into the Horde. It's time for me to get my empire back in order!

Goblin Journal 3

03.10.10
I made it safely to the next island and we got our Town-In-A-Box all set up. Everybody's starving so I've been running around finding bigger and better eggs to feed them with. We started with clucker eggs from the wild cluckers on the island, upgraded to raptor eggs, and finally tried a giant egg from a giant chicken on the island. I think that was definitely a net loss. Oh, and in case you were wondering, Gallywix disappeared somewhere with some of our supplies. How rich.

Easy, little fella

From there it was really just problem after problem. Vicious naga infestation on the island? I get to be the one to deal with it. Take out the big ones, replace some of their flags with the Cartel's, oh and kidnap some of the young'uns. I'm not particularly proud of it, Journal, but I lured away some of the baby naga (cute little tykes, really), to use as a bargaining chip for a peaceful surrender. I would have much preferred to use cold hard cash, but as you may have noticed we are fresh out, and I don't even know what the naga consider valuable. At any rate, me and Ace headed out with the little guys and ended up in a heap of trouble when we discovered that some creepy faceless guy was controlling the naga in the area! Yeesh.

Ace: "I...gotta go!"

Then, just when I think I can take a break, as I'm getting back to the T-I-A-B, there's an invasion of pygmies!! No--really! And they have been carrying off other goblins and turning them into zombies with some weird magic! So then I get to run up the volcano, strap on some flamethrower boots, and incinerate what used to be my business partners! Well, I burn through all the zombies and take out the leaders of the pygmies. But do I get a break? Ohhhh no.

I'm blasting off again!

Now I get rocket boots to launch me up into the caldera of the volcano. Hobart's got some plan to destroy the big volcano-turtle that the pygmies have been feeding goblin sacrifices to. Naturally, it involves rockets. In the caldera of a volcano. Well in case you can't do the math, when I blew up the turtle the volcano decided to blow as well. Fortunately, Sassy came to the rescue (What did I tell you? Best investment I ever made) and got me out of there.

And do you know what we found when we got out of there, Journal? All the surviving goblins back at the T-I-A-B were missing, captured and enslaved (AGAIN!!!) by Gallywix. So we met up with Thrall and his orc buddies on the coast, and instead of getting to take a break, I got to deal with the Alliance. In the most explosion-y way possible. They promised me I would get ride to where my associates are being held, but it's gonna have to wait until I've had a good long rest.

Goblin Journal 2

20.09.10
That rat! Gallywix took everything I owned and put me to work as a slave. Somehow he managed to find some goblins loyal enough to protect his stash. I couldn't even get close to his coffers and it wasn't for lack of trying!

He got his, though. We were fired upon and wrecked on the shore of the Lost Isles. Many died - I nearly did - and with our resources in shambles everyone's free, although we are still working towards common survival. Except for Gallywix, who of course has done nothing. Oh, and that slimy cheat Chip is relaxing in the sand with Candy Cane. I knew something was up! Whatever, got that freeloader out of my hair.

Jerk!

So far, I've helped to rescue other survivors and clear out fierce or otherwise irritating creatures on the islands. Later on I'll head down to the new mines to see what can be done.

24.09.10
The Kaja has been driving the local monkeys mad. They have become violent at the mines and killed several goblin miners. While clearing them out I photographed some mysterious and potentially lucrative cave paintings.

But none of that compares to to my other discovery. In the mine was a dead orc holding a field journal. I was able to read the entries and learned that a group of orcs also shipwrecked on the Isles and are camped nearby. I'm going out there to find any bargains to be had.

26.09.10
I found the orcs. Been pretty much singlehandedly saving them from everything. They couldn't even deal with an endless forest of constricting, freezing, carnivorous plants! Sheesh, how did they survive anything? The payment isn't all that good, but they are fixing up my gear at least. And maybe a little face time will open up some more opportunities.

The Alliance is crawling all over the island. I think the orcs have lost something important and are trying to find it without telling me what it is. I feel like there's money to be made here - in reward or ransom - but I just can't get myself to think right!

27.09.10



You're not gonna believe this, Journal. That thing the orcs were missing? Yeah. The Warchief of the Horde. I stumbled across him in the hold of an ally ship. Briefly I considered ransoming him off to the orcs, but I had no way to transport the cage off the ship. That, and as soon as he escaped his cage he transformed me into a tempest and asked me to zap some humans. I don't think the payout is nearly the same.

I'm waiting in line now for a rocket off this island. Someone found a Town-In-A-Box, so we're gonna set that up across the way. Gallywix is here, unfortunately. I hope his rocket crashes and burns.

Goblin Journal

14.09.10
Trade Prince is nearly mine, Journal. I`m way, way up in the polls - and in wealth, too. Sassy Hardwrench was the best investment I ever made. She`s an invaluable assistant and has really coached me to the top. With her people skills and my knack for raking in the macaroons, there`s no way we aren`t destined for greatness.

Lately I find myself seeing to smaller matters - loose ends, mostly, and ones I am taking care of personally. I popped down to the kaja`mite mines to check on some disturbances and it did feel good to let loose a few fireballs here and there. If I can swing a few more cheap contracts down there the situation should be under control in no time.

My amorous, leering, and eternally-shirtless squeeze Chip suggested I expand my wardrobe and throw a shindig. Bless his heart, he doesn`t have a whit of business sense, but his fashion sense is bar none. While I`m out and about running errands I`ll use my flashy new wheels to make a scene and be noticed. Think I`ll have a glass of Kaja to celebrate!

16.09.10
I`ve got good news and bad news, Journal.

It`s a little-known fact that I played a mean footbomb in college. While I was out...collecting debts...earlier, Coach Crosscheck begged me to step in for the big footbomb game against the Steamwheedle Sharks. A celebrity appearance couldn`t hurt, I thought, so I agreed to pilot his rigged shredder and win the game. The only problem is...I launched the winning goal all the way into Mt Kajaro and maaaay have caused it to erupt. Or awaken a murderous dragon.

Well, it flew away and you know, "Out of sight, out of mind" and all that. So I downed a Kaja and went to my party. It started off wonderfully; I was rubbing elbows with all sorts of important goblins, schmoozing like I`ve never schmoozed before! Just when I think I`m drumming up some new investors, some pirates showed up and crashed my party! I took a lot of them out, but the damage has already been done. That, and the volcano isn`t looking too good...

17.09.10
Everything`s gone bankrupt! Mt Kajaro is on the verge of erupting. The mines are lost and we`ve salvaged all the kaja`mite we can. Everyone is looking to me to solve this. I`ve had enough Kaja to power an invention factory, but now it only soothes my jitters. I need ideas! Bah, I`ve just spilled it all over the desk and onto my lap.

Gallywix beat me to the punch and is offering wildly expensive life boats off the island. I don`t have nearly the resources to compete with that, so I`ve been forced to break into my own vault and liberate my life savings. Sassy ran the numbers and calculated that I need the insurance from my house and some, ah, extra treasures from Gallywix`s estate. Like he`ll even notice.

It hurt to see my pad go up in flames. At least the resulting explosion was soothing. Gallywix`s goons were easy enough to fool, so I waltzed in and acquired some supplementary wealth. I`m going to head down to the docks with Sassy and see about booking us a trip off this island. I don`t know where the rest of my associates have gotten to.


My money...Journal, it`s bittersweet to hold my macaroons in my hands and physically behold my immense wealth while knowing that I`m about to spend it all. Handing this over will be the hardest thing I ever do.